When once again you take a small leap and order some footwear that in your heart of hearts you hope will give you a new vibe, a new energy, a new edge, at last arrive - and they totally don't fit. Whump-whump. On the one hand, you can tell yourself, 'don't worry about it, just send them back, no big deal.' Yet on the other hand, you feel foolish, ungainly, dorky, loserville, and the whole gamit of self-defeating bullshit, all storming right to the forefront of your mind and emotional self, in a flash.
Why is that? Why am I so ready to pick up the gauntlet of my schoolaged self being taunted and teased, and treat myself almost as badly as those mean kids did, a century ago?
And yet, why also is it that the norm for me is to feel awkward and uncomfortable, most of the time?
So let's hope - the new pants will fit well and demonstrate that this may be a brand that cuts their bottoms in a better line for the long legs/no torso image of myself. If yes, then invest in jeans, self.
It felt really good to pin down a summer work staple - the black dress (or plum dress) with my black sandals always felt comfortable, polished, dressy but casual, and still me only different. Right now, though, those intangible feelings are nowhere to be found.
It seems trivial at times to put energy toward this... and yet, it's every day (getting dressed) so it may as well be a positive. Not there yet.
No comments:
Post a Comment