August already. Mid-August, at that. The summer is nearly over and yet it seems to have barely begun.
I've lost track of forward motion, on many levels. It didn't take much to effect that. Specifically, an energy- and soul-sucking week of absurdly hard work to wear me down, followed by a dose of gluten wrapped in the guise of a special, made just for me treat.
Well, one can continue on the path of meh and blah to the land of crap. Easily, in fact.
Or, one can keep saying, nope. I don't want to do that.
Saying this doesn't equate to changing things, not really. I am still floundering in the land of crap, with mostly open arms if I am honest with myself. But the nope lingers, it nudges just a bit at the back of my mind and says ever so softly, I'm still here, saying nope.
Because I don't want it to be a big deal if I dry my hair and style it a bit. What the heck is the big deal about that? Well, if I do it, it says that I am trying to look better... but then if I don't look better I just feel stupid, and feel ugly, and feel like I've wasted time and people will look at me and think I am rediculous for trying to look good.
Amazing how the sentiments of a childhood self still linger with roots like miles when you're an adult.
Because I want to feel good.
Because I want to wake up and smile, not have the expression and sentiment each day that's essentially, "crap."
April to August, one would hope for change, progress, renovation. Not so much, really. Same story. It's getting old.
