let go and let it be

Rain. Thirty-six degrees. Just barely kickin' the cold out of my body. Thus, not a running day in spite of the hopeful toting of my gear and the "got to run" sentiment last night upon assessing that a week without running equated to about 3 pounds of weight gain. Ugh. Not that I'm superficial, I just prefer the results to swing the other direction, thank you.

Also, miss running. Thinking happier weather thoughts for tomorrow. Will bring a rain jacket so I can say, who cares? and go anyway. And get rained on, if needs be.

This morning, driving in to work, I was thinking about issues in my current house. Not really any, thankfully, other than some odd bugs which occasionally fall from the ceiling but seem to do absolutely no damage or creepiness. This led me to think, I hope the attic isn't full of them (said bugs). Which led me further to realize that I have never once been in my attic, not in six full years.

Which led thusly to think, "I want to go in the attic in my new house." Odd, since the current design does not include an attic. But the deeper meaning clicked in my subconscious and body even before my conscious mind figured it out hours later.

Deep, weight-ful sense of peace and presence from center, radiating out through limbs. Okay. This feels good. Present. Here. Relax, let go, let it be. Sang a little Beatles in my head, went with the moment. Continuing, hours later, it's still there, I can still conjure it up. Let it be = heavy arms. Much more than that, but that's the sensation.

So what's the connection? My inner self understood, "I want to go in the attic in my new house." It understood, I want to be fully here in MY life and in MY space and just be alive. Whole. Present. Here. Not living in a part of things, not shut off from things, not avoiding things.

So, still heavy here. Good heavy. Not the 3 pounds from lack of running due to cold, heavy, but rather - good. I like this feeling. Be here.