too many candybars, not enough mikes...

I love the old school Beastie Boys on my running playlist. Thank you, oh creator of free download for the couch to 5K program; I owe him a lot.

Alas, although I ran week 5 day 2 yesterday and felt really good toward the end especially, when one consumes roughly 2/3 of a bag (ie, the remainder of said bag) of snack sized Three Musketeer bars, one will in all likelihood develop a scorcher of a stomach ache.

Which is all my own fault, of course.

But then, I feel a bit sad and confused and stuck, so it all goes together. What will make me feel worse? Or, perhaps more importantly, the part of me that was feeling a bit optimistic and dreaming some dreams? Shut her down man, shut her down! Throw some cheap chocolate on that uprising and squelch her in a stew of whipped chocolate now even richer chocolately tasting.

Darn self.

Underlying realities:
I am so freaking scared and angry about what's happening with and to my mother. Yes, eternally grateful it is going smoothly and things are happening in the way the doctors like. But so want to tear things down at how upset it makes me to think about this happening to her, right now.
I want a horse in my life.
I am incredibly terrified to face that.

Try to turn the subconscious focus on self-care: eat better and enjoy every morsel; sleep enough (7 hours isn't enough. need to get more sleep); and keep running. Look forward to "too many djs, not enough mikes..." on week 5 day 3 which is the 20 minute run. Get on that.

And get on getting a horse into life. Just flipping do it. Figure out a budget and make.it.happen.

Because healthy, happy self is better for mom and everyone else, most importantly, self.