to sleep. perchance to, well, sleep.

What to I wish for when I imagine "time for bed?" I wish for: a sufficient quantity of quality, restful, restorative sleep in a snug, warm haven where I feel tucked in like a little mouse, all cozy and happy and peaceful. Not too much to ask for, right?

Not wanting to go to bed, not falling asleep, not sleeping soundly, not feeling rested, and feeling perpetually tired is just plain too much. Enough. Ugh, years of this nonsense. Exhasted. Exhaustion leads to all sorts of other unpleasantries, as well. Crabby pants. Sad pants. Tired pants. I'll just eat some more candy pants.

What is within my power, what can I re-think, what can I simply re-do?

First: I hate the way my bed looks. Hate it. So sick of those damned red striped pillow shams set just so on the thing every day. So sick of the color scheme. Of the not-big-enough comforter that leaves the metal bed frame exposed at the bottom. Sick of the dull, marked up, drab-assed beige painted headboard. Ugly. Not an inviting, welcoming, restful looking haven. Rather, an annoyingly unattractive and unappealing thing.

SO: Between now and Saturday morning, I will - measure and determine how much fabric I need to make two new shams for the big pillows; measure out for fabric and plan to make a little "pillow" safety chest of sorts, to tuck my Bashful in (a stuffed animal dog I have had for 32 years. Will not get rid of him. But, he looks like a 32 year old stuffed animal on my bed. Had the brainstorm to create a gorgeus, lovely small pillow of sorts that I can tuck him in and add some soft stuffing around so I know he is there but he's not so evidently there, you know?). Then, when fabric store opens at 12, I will go and procure said amounts of two fabrics, one that I love for the shams and a coordinating one I love for the bash pillow. Next, I will go to target and if need be, darn it, I will go to wall-hell and get two flat sheets in a coordinating neutral tone to make a new comforter cover out of. Next, I will go to Lowes and procure one quart of a semi gloss no voc paint in an ever so slightly bold tone that matches and goes well, to repaint the fugly headboard. None of this will involve teamwork. Rather, it involves me saying ENOUGH, I know what colors he finds appealing and have a sense of what he'll like well enough to make him feel at home too, and he sleeps well anyway, so there. Right?

So, I cannot afford a new mattress which I do need, but I can decide to make this investment in myself so that when I look at my bed I think, ah - cozy sleepy place. Instead of, ugh, I hate this bed and I hate my room and I don't want to go there. Enough of that. Sleep is a necessity, not a luxury, not a treat, not a self-indugence. It is necessary and I deserve to sleep well.

The revolution begins with pillow shams. Look out.